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உறங்கி எழுந்த போது நிர்வாணமாய் கிடந்தேன்.. ஒரு நண்பன் காப்பாற்றிய கதை – My Story

சற்று யோசித்து பாருங்கள்… நீங்கள் உறங்கும் போது முழுவதும் உடை அணிந்து உங்கள் படுக்கைக்கு செல்கிறீர்கள். ஆனால், மறுநாள் காலை எழுந்து பார்க்கும் போது முற்றிலும் படுக்கையில் நிர்வாண கோலத்தில் இருக்கிறீர்கள். இது எப்படியான உணர்வை அளிக்கும்? என் வாழ்வில் இன்று வரையிலும் நான் எண்ணி, எண்ணி பதட்டம் அடையும் நிகழ்வு அது. எனக்கு அப்படி ஒரு நிலை ஏன் உண்டானது என்று நான் அச்சம் கொள்ளும் நிகழ்வு அது. 

இன்று வரையிலும் கூட அந்த நாளை மறக்க முடியாமல், நான் அவ்வப்போது அஞ்சு நடுங்கவது உண்டு. அப்படியான ஒரு சூழல் எந்த ஒரு பெண்ணுக்கும், ஏன் என் வாழ்விலேயே கூட இன்னொரு முறை நடந்துவிடக் கூடாது என்று நான் கடவுளிடம் வேண்டிக் கொண்டிருக்கிறேன். பேஸ்புக்கில் எங்களது செய்திகளை உடனுக்குடன் படிக்க க்ளிக் செய்யவும் முந்தைய நாள் இரவு.. அன்று இரவு எனக்கும் எனது நெருங்கிய தோழனுக்கும் பெரிய சண்டை. கிட்டத்தட்ட நள்ளிரவு வரை நீடித்தது அந்த சண்டை. ஒரு கட்டத்தில் உடல் ரீதியாகவும், மன ரீதியகால் நான் முற்றிலும் சோர்வடைந்து போதும்டா சாமி என அழைப்பை துண்டித்துவிட்டு படுக்க சென்று விட்டேன். உண்மையில், இரவு உடை மாற்ற கூட நேரம் இன்றி நான் உடல் சோர்வில் அப்படியே படுக்கையில் விழுந்தது தான் எனக்கு நினைவிருக்கிறது. என் மனதை கொஞ்ச நேரம் எதுகுறித்தும் எண்ணாமல் அமைத்திப்படுத்த வேண்டும் சுவிட்ச் ஆப் செய்ய வேண்டும் என்றே நான் கருதினேன். 7:00 மணி…

நான் எப்போதுமே காலை ஏழு மணிக்கு எழுவது தான் வழக்கம். எனது படுக்கையின் அருகே இருக்கும் கடிகாரத்தில் அலாரம் சரியாக ஏழு மணிக்கு அடிகிறதோ இல்லையோ, நான் சரியாக ஏழு மணிக்கு எழுந்துவிடுவேன். நானும், எனது வேறு ஒரு தோழியும் தான் தனியாக வீடு எடுத்து தங்கியிருந்தோம். ஒவ்வொரு வார இறுதியும் அவள் அலுவலகத்தில் இருந்து நேராக அவளது வீட்டுக்கு கிளம்பி சென்றுவிடுவாள். அன்றும்…. அன்று நான் வீட்டில் தனியாக தான் இருந்தேன். முந்தைய நாள் நள்ளிரவு வரை தோழனுடன் இட்ட சண்டையில் கதவுகளை சரியாக சாத்தினேனா என்று கூட நினைவில்லை.




மறுநாள் காலை… அன்றும் சரியாக ஏழு மணிக்கு அலாரம் அடிக்கும் முன்னரே எழுந்துவிட்டேன். ஆனால், எனக்கென்று ஒரு பெரும் அதிர்ச்சி என் முன் எழுந்து காத்திருந்தது… நிர்வாண நிலையில்… சரியாக ஏழு மணியாக ஒருசில நிமிடங்களே இருந்தன… கண்விழிக்கும் போதுதான் உணர்ந்தேன்… நான் எப்போதும் இரவு உடுத்தி உறங்கும் எனது ஹூடி காணவில்லை. அது எங்கே என தேட, படுக்கையில் இருந்து எழுந்திருக்க போர்வையை அகற்றும் போதுதான் உணர்ந்தேன் நான் எனது உடைகள் களைந்து கிட்டத்தட்ட நிர்வாண கோலத்தில் படுத்திருக்கிறேன் என்று. எனது ஜீன்ஸ், மற்றும் மேலாடைகள் என அனைத்தும் என் படுக்கையை சுற்றி கழற்றி எறியப்பட்டிருந்தன.

பதட்டத்தின் உச்சம்! என் உடல் அன்று போல வேறு என்றும் அந்த அளவிற்கு நடுங்கியதே இல்லை. எனது மூளை ஒளியின் வேகத்திற்கு கண்டதை எல்லாம் யோசிக்க துவங்கியது. என்ன நடந்தது, யார் என் அறைக்குள் வந்தனர்., என் உடலில் ஏதேனும் மாற்றங்கள் நிகழ்ந்துள்ளனவா? என்னை யாரேனும் ஏதாவது செய்திருந்தால்… நானே அதுகுறித்து அறியாதிருந்தால்? என்று மனம் மிகவும் குழம்பி போனது. உடைகளை தவிர… நான் உடுத்தியிருந்த உடைகளை தவிர வீட்டில், என் அறையில் மற்ற எல்லா பொருட்களும் அந்தந்த இடங்களில் அப்படி அப்படியே இருந்தன. நான் முந்தைய தினம் இரவு சண்டையிட்ட எனது தோழனுக்கு தான் முதலில் கால் செய்தேன்.

பல குழப்பங்களுக்கு இடையே… அன்று தான் நான் அறிந்தேன், உண்மையிலேயே அவன் தான் எனது நெருங்கிய தோழன் என்று. ஆசுவாசப்படுத்தினான்! முதலில் அமைதியாய் இரு… என்ன நடந்தது என்று யோசி என்றான். ஆனால், படுக்கையில் படுத்ததன் பிறகு, உறங்கி எழுந்தது மட்டும் தான் என் நினைவில் இருக்கிறது. இரவில் என்ன நடந்தது என்று எதுவுமே நினைவில்லை. ஃபார்மேட் செய்த மெமரி கார்டு போல எம்ப்டியாக இருந்தது எனது நினைவுகள். என்ன நடந்திருக்கலாம்… அவன் தான் என்னை அமைதிப்படுத்தி…

நீ நேற்று இரவு மிகவும் மன அழுத்தத்துடன் இருந்தாய்… ஒருவேளை இரவு நீயே உனது உடைகளை கழற்றி உறங்கியிருக்கலாம். அல்லது நடுராத்திரி கரண்ட் கட் ஆகியோ அல்லது சூடு தாளாமல் நீயே கூட இரவு உன்னை அறியாமல் உடைகளை கழற்றிவிட்டு உறங்கியிருக்கலாம். இது உனது மனதில் பதியாமல் இருந்திருக்கலாம். என்று கூறினான். பதட்டம் நிற்கவில்லை ஆனால், எனது உடலுக்குள் பதட்டம் நிற்கவில்லை. நானாக எப்படி உடைகளை கழற்றினேன் என்ற கேள்வி. ஒருவேளை என் வீட்டுக்குள் யாராவது வந்து சென்றிருந்தால்… அவர்கள் என்னை இந்த கோலத்தில் பார்த்திருந்தால்… என்று அச்சம் அதிகரிக்க துவங்கியது. யாரேனும், என்னை ஏதாவது செய்திருந்தால்…?


என்று மனதுக்குள் அழ துவங்கினேன். ஒரே ஒரு கேள்வி! பொதுவாகவே பெண் மனம் என்பது மோசமானதை தான் சிந்திக்கும். அந்த சூழலில் நான் எனது வீட்டை விட்டு கூட வெளியே வரவில்லை. அப்போது தான் கதவை மூடினாயா? என்று அவன் ஒரு கேள்வி கேட்டான். அப்போது தான் வீட்டின் கதவுகள் மூடபப்ட்டுள்ளனவா என்று பார்க்க சென்றேன். என் வீட்டு முன்வாசல் கதவில் இரண்டு பூட்டு இருக்கும். ஒன்று சாவி மூலம் பூட்டுவது, மற்றொன்று தாளிடுவது. நான் கதவை தாளிடவில்லை. ஆனால், என் தோழி இல்லாத காரணத்தால் முன்கூட்டியே சாவிகளை கொண்டு நான் கதவை பூட்டியிருந்தேன் என்பதை பிறகே கண்டறிந்தேன். யூகிப்பு… காலை எழுந்ததும், நான் நிர்வாண இருந்ததாலும், படுக்கை அறையை விட்டு வெளியே வந்த நாள் தாளிடாததை மட்டும் கண்டு மேலும் அச்சம் அடைந்திருந்தேன். ஆகையால் தான் யாரேனும் உள்ளே வந்திருக்கலாம்… எனக்கு ஏதேனும் நடந்திருக்கலாம் என்று பயந்து நடுங்கினேன்.

அதனால் தான் பல எண்ணங்கள் ஒளி வேகத்தில் என மனதில் கடந்துக் கொண்டே இருந்தன. நிம்மதி பெருமூச்சு! கடைசியாக எப்படியோ… எதுவும் நடக்கவில்லை. எனது மன சோர்வும், மன அழுத்தமும் தான் நள்ளிரவு என்ன நடந்தது என்பதை மறக்க செய்திருந்தது என்பதை மெதுவாக என் தோழனின் உதவியுடன் அறிய முடிந்தது. வீட்டின் முன் கதவு மட்டுமல்ல, காம்பவுண்ட் கதவும் கூட பூட்டி தான் இருந்தது. இதெல்லாம் பார்த்த பிறகு தான். நிம்மதி பெருமூச்சு விட முடிந்தது. எப்படி கூறுவது? இன்றும் அந்த நிகழ்வு குறித்து சரியாக விவரிக்க முடியாத நிலையில் தான் நான் இருக்கிறேன். மனதார கடவுளுக்கு நன்றி கூறிக் கொள்கிறேன். இதனால் நான் அறிந்த ஒரே விஷயம்… வெறுமென அச்சப்படுவதால் நம்மால் எதையும் சாதிக்கவும் முடியாது, ஒரு சொல்யூஷனும் பெற முடியாது. வாழ்வில் எந்த ஒரு பிரச்சனை வந்தாலும் முதலில் அச்சப்படாமல் அதை எதிர்கொள்ள வேண்டும்.




ஸ்லீப் ஸ்ட்ரிப் டிஸார்டர் மேலும், மருத்துவரிடம் கலந்தாலோசித்த பிறகு தான் எனக்கு ஸ்லீப் ஸ்ட்ரிப் டிஸார்டர் என்று ஒரு பிரச்சனை இருப்பதை அறிந்தேன். அதாவது உறங்கும் போது அவர்களுக்கே தெரியாமல் தங்கள் உடைகளை கழற்றிவிடுவது. இது அதீத மன அழுத்தம் ஏற்படும் போது தென்படுகிறது என்று அறிந்தேன். ஆகையால், இப்போதெல்லாம், உறங்கும் முன் அமைதியான மனநிலை ஏற்படுத்திக் கொண்டே படுக்கைக்கு செல்கிறேன். மனதையும் உடலையும் எக்காரணம் கொண்டும் அழுத்தமான சூழலுக்குள் கொண்டு செல்லாதீர்கள்.

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  218. When I initially left a comment I seem to have clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get 4 emails with the same comment. Perhaps there is an easy method you are able to remove me from that service? Thank you!

  219. An additional issue is really that video gaming became one of the all-time greatest forms of entertainment for people of various age groups. Kids enjoy video games, and adults do, too. The XBox 360 has become the favorite games systems for individuals that love to have hundreds of games available to them, along with who like to play live with other individuals all over the world. Thank you for sharing your opinions.

  220. Hey would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re using? I’m going to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique. P.S Apologies for being off-topic but I had to ask!|

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  229. When I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked on the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I receive 4 emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there is a way you can remove me from that service? Thanks a lot!

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  249. First off I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing. I have had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I truly do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Appreciate it!|

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  258. Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.|

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