உறவுகள்எடிட்டர் சாய்ஸ்புதியவை

ஒரே ஒரு செக்ஸ்டிங், என் ஒட்டுமொத்த உறவையும் காலி செய்தது – My Story

கடந்த நான்கு வருடங்களாக நான் என்னுடன் படித்த பள்ளி தோழனை காதலித்து வந்தேன். எனக்கு அவனை கடந்த ஐந்து வருடங்களாக தெரியும். எங்களுக்குள் காதல் வளர்ந்த போதும், நாங்கள் மன முதிர்ச்சி அடையாத பதின் வயதினராக தான் இருந்தோம். வெறும் விருப்பத்திற்கும் காதலுக்கும் வித்தியாசம் தெரியாத வயது அது. ஆகையால் எது காதல், எது க்ரஷ் என்ற வேறுபாடு தெரியாமல் நாங்களாக காதல் என்று கருதி வாழ்ந்து வந்தோம். 12வது படிக்கும் வரை எங்களுக்குள் எந்த சண்டையும் இல்லை, கோபமும் இல்லை. எங்கள் காதல் (நாங்கள் காதல் என்று நினைத்து வந்த உறவு) நன்றாக தான் பயணித்து வந்தது. என் வாழ்வின் கடைசி நாள் வரை மறக்க முடியாத நிகழ்வு நான் கல்லூரி பயின்று வந்த போது நடந்தது. அதன் பிறகு தான் நான் எனது உண்மையான காதலையும் பிரிய வேண்டிய சூழல் ஏற்பட்டது.

வெவ்வேறு நகரங்கள்! பள்ளிப்படித்து முடித்த பிறகு, நானும் எனது பள்ளி காதலனும் வெவ்வேறு நகரங்களுக்கு கல்லூரி பயில சென்றோம். நாங்கள் முதல் வருடம் கல்லூரி பயின்று வந்த போது அவன் அவ்வப்போது என் கல்லூரிக்கு வந்து செல்வான். எங்களை பார்ப்பவர்கள் எல்லாம் நாங்கள் சந்தோசமாக இருக்கும் காதல் ஜோடி என்று கூறி வந்தனர். எந்த பிரச்சனையும் இல்லை…

ஆம்! அப்போது எங்களுக்குள் எந்த ஒரு பிரச்னையும் இல்லை. எங்கள் இருவருக்குள் யார் ஒருவரையும் நுழைய நாங்கள் அனுமதித்தது இல்லை. எங்களை யாரும் பிரிக்க முடியாது என்ற நம்பிக்கை எங்களுக்குள் மிகவும் ஆழமாக இருந்தது அந்த காலத்தில் தான். மிஸ் செய்தேன்… என் சொந்த ஊரில் இருந்து மிக தொலைவில் இருக்கும் வேறு நகரத்தில் தான் நான் கல்லூரி பயின்று வந்தேன். ஆகையால் அடிக்கடி எனக்கு எங்கள் வீட்டு ஞாபகமும், மன வருத்தமும் ஏற்படும். அப்போது தான் எனக்கு அவனுடன் நட்பு ஏற்பட்டது. அவனும், எனது நட்பு வட்டாரத்தில் இருந்த ஒருவன் தான். ஆனால், ஆரம்பத்தில் நாங்கள் பெரிதாக அதிகம் பேசிக் கொண்டது இல்லை. நிறைய பேசினோம்… அவனுக்கு கொஞ்சம் கூச்ச சுபாவம், அதிகமாக மனதில் பட்டதை பேச மாட்டான். ஆனால், என்னுடன் மட்டும் கொஞ்சம் அதிகம் பேச துவங்கினான். நானும், அவனுடன் நிறைய நேரம் பேசினேன்.

போகப்போக அவனுடன் பேசுவதை விரும்ப ஆரம்பித்தேன். அவனுடன் பேசும் போது நேரம் போவதே தெரியாது. அதை காதல் என்று கூற இயலாது ஆனால், எங்களுக்குள் ஒரு அழகான உறவு இருக்கிறது என்று அந்நாட்களில் கருதினேன். பிடித்தது! அவனது கூச்ச சுபாவம், கண்கள், அணுகுமுறை போன்றவற்றை நான் மிகவும் ரசித்தேன். அவனது அகத்தில் படுவதை முகத்தில் அதிகம் காட்டிக் கொள்ள மாட்டான். ஆனால், அவன் கண்கள் காட்டிக் கொடுத்து விடும். இந்த விளையாட்டு எனக்கு மிகவும் பிடித்திருந்தது. அவன் கூறாமலேயே அவன் என்ன நினைக்கிறான் என்பதை என்னால் எளிதாக கணிக்க முடிந்தது. எங்கள் உறவை நான் நட்பான காதல் என்று கூறி வந்தேன். கனவிலும் எண்ணவில்லை! என் நெருங்கிய நண்பன் என் வாழ்வில் நிறைய மாற்றங்கள் கொண்டு வருவான் என்று நான் கனவிலும்

எதிர்பார்க்கவில்லை. ஆனால், அதில் ஒரு மோசமும் நடந்தது. அதற்கு அவனும் ஒரு வகையில் காரணம், நானும் காரணம். நான் செய்த ஒரே ஒரு தவறு என் ஒட்டு மொத்த வாழ்க்கையையும் திருப்பிப் போட்டது. என் கல்லூரி நண்பன், அவனது இன்னொரு நண்பன் என்று எனக்கு ஒருவனை அறிமுகம் செய்து வைத்தான். மேலும், அவன் மிக நல்லவன் என்று சர்டிபிகேட் எல்லாம் கொடுத்தான். ஒரு நாள்… ஒரு நாள்… அந்த ஒரு நாள் நான் செய்த தவறை எண்ணி, எண்ணி இறக்கும் வரை அழும் நிலை வரும் என்று நான் எப்போதும் எண்ணவில்லை. ஒரு நாள் நானும் அவனும் குறுஞ்செய்தியில் பேசி வந்தோம். அவனை நான் நேரில் சந்தித்ததே இல்லை. போனில் பேசியுள்ளேன், குறுஞ்செய்தி அனுப்பியுள்ளேன் அவ்வளவு தான். அன்று தான் அந்த தவறு நடந்தது. என் கல்லூரி நண்பன் அறிமுகம் செய்த அந்த நபருடன் செய்தி மூலமாக பேசி வந்தேன். திசை மாறிப்போனது… சாதாரணமாக ஆரம்பித்த அந்த குறுஞ்செய்தி உரையாடல்… நான் எதிர்பாராத நேரத்தில் திசை மாறிப்போனது. நான் எதார்தாமாக கூறிய சில பதில்களை அவன் டபிள் மீனிங்குடன் எடுத்துக் கொண்டான். அதை ஒரு செக்ஸ்டிங்காக மாற்றினான்.

மிக குறுகிய நேரத்தில் அது முடிவு பெற்றுவிட்டது. ஆனால், அதுவே எனது உறவுக்கும் முடிவு கட்டியது. பரப்பினான்… என் நண்பர்கள் எல்லாரும் இருக்கும் வாட்ஸ்-அப் க்ரூப் ஒன்றில்… நாங்கள் பேசியதை ஸ்க்ரீன் ஷாட் எடுத்து பகிர்ந்து.. நான் ஒழுக்கம் கேட்டவள் என்பது போல பரப்பினான். இதன் மூலம் என் நண்பர்கள் அனைவரும் நான் யாரேனும் அழைத்தால் படுக்கைக்கும் செல்வேன் என்பது போன்ற பார்வையில் காண துவங்கினார்கள். அனைவரும் என்னை கேலி செய்த போது, என் கல்லூரி நண்பன் ஒருவன் மட்டுமே என்னை நம்பினான். எங்களுக்குள் காதல் இருந்தது… நாங்கள் இருவரும் நட்பாக பழகி வந்தாலும், எங்கள் இருவருக்குள்ளும் காதல் இருந்தது. அந்த காதலை அவன் சிதைத்தான். அந்த மூன்றாம் நபர் நாங்கள் பேசியதை என் கல்லூரி நண்பனின் அண்ணனுக்கும் காண்பித்தான். அவனது வீட்டில் என் மீது ஒரு தவறான பார்வை உண்டானது.

தவறான பார்வை… இடையே… எனது நான்கு வருட காதல் உறவையும்… என் கல்லூரி நண்பனுக்காக பிரிந்து வந்தேன். அவனுக்காக நான் நிறைய தியாகங்கள் செய்துள்ளேன். அவனுக்கும் என்னை பற்றி முழுமையாக தெரியும். ஆனால், அவன் குடும்பத்தில் மோசமானவள் என்ற முதல் பார்வையை பெற்ற என்னை, அவனது வீட்டுக்கு மருமகளாக அழைத்து செல்ல முடியாத சூழலுக்கு அவன் தள்ளப்பட்டான். எல்லாம் போச்சு… எங்களுக்குள் இருந்த அந்த உண்மையான காதல், இனிமையான உறவு எல்லாமும் ஒரே ஒரு குறுஞ்செய்தி உரையாடல் மூலமாக நாசம் ஆனது. நாங்கள் இருவரும் தேவையே இல்லாமல் சண்டை போட்டுக் கொண்டோம். சோகத்தில் மூழ்கினோம், பிரிந்தோம். அவன் இல்லாத எதிர்காலத்தை என்னால் கனவிலும் எதிர்பார்க்க முடியாவில்லை. அவன் என்னை நிச்சயம் திருமணம் செய்துக் கொள்ள மாட்டான் என்பதை அறிந்தும், அவனையும், அவனது நினைவுகளையும் விட்டு பிரிய முடியாத சூழலில் சிக்கி தவிக்கிறேன்.

பிணைக்கப்பட்ட ஒன்று… இதில், எனது தவறு எதுவுமே இல்லை. அந்த மூன்றாம் அவனாக ஒரு அர்த்தம் எடுத்துக் கொண்டு, தொடர்ந்து அதனுடன் சில கேள்விகளை பின்னி… எனது பதில்களை வேறு அர்த்தத்துடன் மாற்றினான். நான் சுதாரித்துக் கொண்ட போதே அந்த குறுஞ்செய்தியை முடித்துக் கொண்டேன். என் மீது அவனுக்கு அப்படி என்ன விரோதம் என்று தெரியவில்லை. இனிமையாக தொடர வேண்டிய உறவை வேருடன் அறுத்துவிட்டான்.

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