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டீச்சருக்கு ஆபாச லெட்டர் எழுதியதாக சிக்கிய மாணவனின் எதிர்காலம்! My Story

நிராகப்பட்டவர்களின் வலி அவ்வளவு எளிதாக யாரிடமும் சொல்லி புரிய வைத்திட முடியாது. மேலே முதல் மாடு கட்டுவதற்காக என எங்கள் வீட்டு வாசலில் செங்கல், மண், கூலாங்கற்கள் எல்லாம் கொட்டியிருந்தார்கள். மாலை நான்கு மணிக்கு பள்ளியை விட்டு வீட்டில் நுழையும் போதே வாசலில் இதனை பார்த்து விட்டு எங்கே நம்ம வீடு இடிஞ்சு விழுந்திருச்சா என்று பதறியடித்துக் கொண்டு உள்ளே ஓடினேன்…. வீட்டிற்கு ஒன்றும் ஆகியிருக்கவில்லை.

நிறைய ஆட்கள் வருவதும் போவதுமாய் இருந்தார்கள். அம்மாவிடமிருந்து மேல் மாடி விஷயத்தை தெரிந்து கொண்டேன். அப்போ இதெல்லாம் எனக்கா? இது கட்டி முடிக்கிற வரை இந்த மண்ணுல விளையாடலாம். எவ்ளோ கல்லு கிடக்கு இத வச்சு கோலி விளையாடலாம். குட்டியா பப்பிக்கு ஒரு ரூம் கட்டலாம் என்று கற்பனை ஆரம்பித்துவிட்டது. பேஸ்புக்கில் எங்களது செய்திகளை உடனுக்குடன் படிக்க க்ளிக் செய்யவும் மணல் வீடு : எப்போதாவது கோவில் குளக்கரை பக்கம் அழைத்துச் செல்லும் போது தான் மணலில் உட்கார்ந்து விளையாடும் சந்தர்ப்பம் வாய்க்கும். அதுவும் அப்பாவுடன் சென்றால் மண்ணில் கால் படாமல் எப்படி நடக்க வேண்டும் என்று வகுப்பெடுக்கும் அளவிற்கு தீராத சுத்தக்காரார். யூனிஃபார்மை கூட மாற்றாமல் வாசலில் குவித்து கொட்டியிருந்த மண்ணில் வந்து விழுந்தேன். ஓரமாய் மண்ணைக் குவித்து சிறிய மலை அதற்கு பக்கத்தில் கூலாங்கல்லை அடுக்கி எதையோ முயற்சித்துக் கொண்டிருந்தேன். சனியனே…. :

திடிரென்று என்னை யாரோ பின்னாலிருந்து ஆக்ரோசமாக தள்ளிவிட்டார்கள். ஆசை ஆசையாக செதுக் கொண்டிருந்த என் மண் மாளிகையின் மீது விழுந்தேன். கோபத்துடன் பின்னால் திரும்பினால் ஐய்யனாரு சிலை போல எங்கப்பா நிற்கிறார். சனியனே…. மண்ணுல கை வைக்ககூடாதுன்னு எத்தன தடவ சொல்லியிருக்கேன். உக்காந்து என்ன பண்ணிட்டு இருக்க என்று ஆரம்பித்து நீ உருப்பட மாட்ட இப்பவே பெத்தவங்க பேச்ச மதிக்க மாட்ற பெருசாகி என்ன செய்யப் போறியோ என்று புலம்ப ஆரம்பித்தார். Image Courtesy அழக்கூடாது : அப்பா திட்டியது, அடித்ததை விட நான் கட்டிய அந்த மண் மலையை சிதைத்து விட்டார் என்பது தான் பெரும் வருத்தமாய் இருந்தது. மண்ணில் விளையாடினால் என்னவாம்…. உள்ளேயே கேட்டுக் கொண்டேன். அப்பா திட்டுவது இதுஒன்றும் புதிதில்லை.

அழுகை முட்டிக் கொண்டு வந்தது. ஆண் பிள்ளை ஆயிற்றே அழக்கூடாது…. அழாதடா என்று எனக்குள் சொல்லிக்கொண்டே பின்பக்கம் துணி துவைத்துக் கொண்டிருந்த அம்மாவிடம் ஓடினேன். நான்காம் வகுப்பு : ஒரு முறை பள்ளியில் விளையாடிக் கொண்டிருந்த பெரிய அண்ணாக்கள் சிலர் என்னிடம் ஒரு பேப்பரை கொடுத்து அதை தமிழாசிரியர் சாரதா அம்மாவின் புத்தகத்தில் வைத்துவிடச் சொல்லிக் கொடுத்தார்கள். வாங்கிக் கொண்டு போய் வைத்தேன். உணவு இடைவேளைக்குப் பிறகு வந்த ஆசிரியர் அதைப் பார்த்து பயங்கர டென்ஷனாகி நான் இல்லாத போது யார் இங்கே வந்தது, இந்த புத்தகத்தை யாராவது தொட்டார்களா என்று கேட்டிருக்கிறார்கள். அங்கிருந்தவர்கள் என்னை கைகாட்ட எனக்கு பயங்கர அடி வெளுத்து வாங்கிவிட்டார்கள்.

போததற்கு மறுநாள் அப்பாவை வேறு அழைத்து வரச் சொல்லிவிட்டார்கள். அண்ணன்களைச் சொல்ல அவர்களோ இவன் யாரென்றே தெரியாது தேவையில்லாமல் பயத்தில் எங்களை சொல்கிறான் எங்களுக்கும் இதற்கும் சம்மந்தமில்லை என்று ஒதுங்கிக் கொண்டார்கள். அப்பா வந்ததும் தான் விஷயமே தெரிந்தது. அந்த கடிதத்தில் ஆசிரியரை கடுமையாக ஆபாசமாக விமர்சித்து எழுதியிருந்திருக்கிறார்கள் என்பது. Image Courtesy நீ என் பையனே இல்ல…. : என்னை அளேக்காக தூக்கி ஸ்கூல் கிரவுண்டுக்கு வந்தார். அங்கேயே பயங்கரமாய் அடி உதை விழுந்தது. ஆசிரியர்கள் வந்து தடுத்தாலும் இவன எல்லாம் இப்டியே விட்டா அவ்ளோ தான் என் உசுற எடுக்குறதுக்குனே பொறப்பு எடுத்து வந்திருக்கான் என்று கத்தி என்னை அடித்தார். பள்ளியே வேடிக்கை பார்த்தது. நான் எழுதலப்பா….

அதுல என்ன எழுதியிருந்துச்சு கூட எனக்கு தெரியாது. அந்த அண்ணனுக வைக்க சொன்னாங்க போய் வச்சேன்….. இப்படி நான் கதறியது எதுவும் அப்பாவின் காதுகளுக்கு எட்டவில்லை. அன்றிலிருந்து நான் உருப்படாதவன் என்பதை உறுதியாக ஏற்றுக் கொண்டார் அப்பா. ஓம் நமச்சிவாய சொல்வது போல…. நீ உருப்படமாட்ட, என்னைய உன் வாத்தியாருங்க முன்னாடி தலகுனிய வச்சல்ல நீ நாசமா போய்டுவ என்று அர்ச்சனைகள் விழுந்து கொண்டேயிருக்கும். எனக்கு பழகிவிட்டது. அம்மா : துணி துவைக்கும் கல்லிலிருந்து ஒவ்வொரு துணியை எடுத்து சோப்பு போட்டுக் கொண்டிருந்த அம்மாவிடம்….

அப்பா என் வீட்ட இடிச்சிருச்சும்மா என்றேன் சொல்லி முடிக்கும் போதே அழுகை முட்டிக் கொண்டு வந்து விட்டது. விடுறா அப்பாதான அவர் கோவப்படுற மாதிரி நீ ஏன் நடந்துக்குற என்ன இது கண்ண கசக்கிகிட்டு தம்பியும் தங்கச்சியும் பாத்தா சிரிப்பாங்க போ கண்ண தொடச்சுட்டு இசக்கி கடையில பணியாரம் சாப்டு வா இந்தா என்று இரண்டு ரூபாய் கொடுத்தாள். அம்மாவுக்கு தன் குழந்தையை சமாதானம் செய்ய இரண்டு ரூபாய் போதும் என்று நினைத்து விட்டாள் போல. வீடு : தொடர்ந்து அந்த வீட்டில் நிராகரிக்கப்பட்டவன் போலவே நடத்தப்பட்டேன். அம்மா மட்டும் கூப்பிட்டு கூப்பிட்டு சாப்பிட வைப்பார்.

என்னை விட ஏழு வயது சிறிய தம்பியும் பத்துவயது சிறிய தங்கைக்கும் அவ்வளவாக எந்த பிணைப்பும் ஏற்படவில்லை. எதோ தானோ என்று நாட்கள் நகர்ந்தது. கல்லூரிக்குச் சென்றேன், இங்கேயிருந்தால் பைத்தியமாகிடுவேன் என்று கல்லூரி விடுதியிலேயே அறையெடுத்து தங்கிக் கொண்டேன். இந்த மூஞ்சிக்கும் லவ் : புதிய உலகம், நண்பர்கள்,படிப்பு, விளையாட்டு,சினிமா என இதுவரை நான் வாழாத பக்கங்களை வாழத் துவங்கினேன். ஒவ்வொரு நாளையும் ரசித்தேன், விடுதியில் தங்கியிருக்கும் மகனை பார்க்க வாரமொருரை வரும் பெற்றோரை பார்க்கும் போதெல்லாம்….

அட., அம்மா அப்பா இப்டியும் இருப்பாங்களா? என்று தோன்றும் . இரண்டாம் ஆண்டு படிக்கும் போது ஜூனியர் ஒருத்தி வந்து என்னிடம் காதல் கடிதம் கொடுத்தாள். என்ன சொல்ல? இதுவரை இந்த காதல் பக்கமே என் மனம் சென்றதில்லை, ஜூனியரின் காதலை ஏற்றுக் கொள்ளவா வேண்டாமா என்று தயக்கத்தில் யோசிச்சு சொல்றேன் என்று சொல்லிவிட்டேன். காதலா? என்னை ஒரு பொண்ணு விரும்புறாலா…. என்னைய கூட ஒருத்தருக்கு புடிக்குமா? அப்பறம் ஏன் அப்பா மட்டும் என்னைய திட்டிகிட்டே இருக்காரு என்று பல கேள்விகள். இந்த காதல் ஜெயிக்குமா தோற்குமா? காதலில் கடைசி வரை பயணிப்போமா என்றெல்லாம் தெரியாது ஆனால் இந்த அன்பை அனுபவித்திட வேண்டும், வாழ்நாளில் ஒரு முறையாவது என்னை யாராவது ஆசையாய் அழைக்க வேண்டும், பாராட்ட வேண்டும், தட்டிக் கொடுக்க வேண்டும், என்னோடு சேர்ந்து பேசி கொண்டாட வேண்டும் காதலை ஏற்றுக் கொள்ளலாம் என்று முடிவு செய்துவிட்டேன். தயக்கம் : ஆனால் மனதில் தயக்கம் இருந்து கொண்டேயிருந்தது என்ன இது அன்றைக்கு ஒன்றும் செய்யாத தவறுக்கே அப்பா அடித்து வெளுத்துவிட்டார் இப்போது இந்த காதல் விவகாரம் எல்லாம் தெரிந்தால்…..

தினமும் நாங்கள் பார்த்து சிரித்துக் கொள்வதும் சேர்ந்து சாப்பிடுவது என கொஞ்சம் மாற்றம் நிகழ்ந்திருந்தது. பேச்சுவாக்கில் அவளிடம் ஏன் என்னைய பிடிக்கும் என்று கேட்க அவள் நிறைய விஷயங்களைச் சொன்னால் என்கிட்ட இவ்ளோ நல்ல விஷயங்கள் இருக்கா? நான் அழகா இருக்கேனா என அவள் சொல்லும் ஒவ்வொரு காரணத்தையும் என்னுள் கேள்விகளாய் கேட்டுக் கொண்டேன். எப்போ எனக்கு பதில் சொல்லப்போற என்று கேட்க ஒரு மாசம் டைம் கொடு என்று சொல்லிவிட்டேன். குட் பை : எதற்காக ஒரு மாதம் டைம் கேட்டேன்…. அந்த ஒரு மாதத்தில் என்ன செய்யப்போகிறேன் என்று எதுவும் தெரியாது. பதட்டத்தில் உளரிவிட்டிருக்க வேண்டும். சகஜமாகத் தான் பழகிக் கொண்டும் பேசிக் கொண்டும் இருந்தோம். இரண்டு வாரங்களிலேயே போய் சொல்லிடலாம் என்று அவளிடம் போய் எனக்கு சம்மதம் என்றேன். ஹே… சாரி, என்ன ரீசன்னு தெர்ல இப்போ உன் மேல லவ் இல்ல என்று சுற்றி வளைத்து மூக்கைப் பிடித்தாள். விளையாடுகிறாள் என்று அப்பட்டமாய் நம்பினேன்.

இவ்ளோ நாள் உன்னைய வெயிட் பண்ண வச்சதுக்கு சாரி, பசங்க தான் உன் மூலமா ஏதோ கேம் விளையாடுறாங்கன்னு நினச்சேன் என்று இழுத்தேன் முறைத்தாள். ஒகே…. கேம் ட்ரா ஆகிடுச்சு குட் பாய் என்று சொல்லி நகர்ந்தாள்.மொதோ பிடிச்சிருக்குன்னு சொன்ன இப்போ என்ன? தெரியல…. இப்போ லவ் இல்ல…. லவ் இல்லன்னா பிடிக்கலையா? தெரியல… ஏன் பிடிக்கலன்னு ரீசன் சொல்லு பதிலேதும் சொல்லாமல் நகர்ந்து விட்டாள். ஹீரோ : ஹாஸ்டல் அறைக்குள் வந்து நான் தங்கியிருந்த மூன்றாம் மாடியிலிருந்து குதித்துவிடலாமா என்று கூட யோசித்தேன் . கட்டிலில் விழுந்து அடக்க முடியாமல் அழுதேன், நல்ல வேலை அறைத் தோழர்கள் யாரும் வந்திருக்கவில்லை. அவள் பின்னாடியே சென்று டார்ச்சர் செய்யவோ அல்லது என்னை வேணாம்னு சொன்னவள பத்தே நாள்ல என்கிட்ட வரவச்சு காட்றேன் என்று சொடுக்குப் போட்டு சவால் விடவோ நான் ஒன்றும் ஹீரோ இல்லையே…. எல்லாவற்றையும் அழுது தீர்த்தேன்.

ஒரு வாரம் விடுப்பு எடுத்து ஹாஸ்டலிலேயே படுத்துக் கிடந்தேன். ஒரு வாரத்தில் சகஜமானதற்கு உறுதுணையாய் இருந்தவர்கள் என் நண்பர்கள் மட்டுமே. நிராகரிப்பின் வலி : படிச்சு பெரிய அந்தஸ்த்தான வேலைக்கு போகணும், லட்சம் லட்சமா சம்பாதிக்கணும், பிஸ்னஸ் பண்ணனும் பெரிய பெரிய பங்களா கட்டணும், நியூ மாடல் பைக், ஸ்மார்ட் போன், ஸ்டைலிஷ் டிரஸ் போட்டுக்கணும்னு எல்லாம் எனக்கு ஆசை கிடையாது. என்னைய ஏத்துக்கோங்க நான் என்ன தப்பு பண்ணேன் செய்யாத தப்புக்கு அன்னக்கி தண்டிச்சிட்டீங்க இன்னும் வரைக்குமா அந்த கோவம்? எட்டு வயசுல பண்ணத் தப்புக்கு இருபத்தி இரண்டு வயசு வரைக்குமா தண்டனைய கொடுப்பீங்க எனக்கு இல்லவே இல்லன்னு நம்பிட்டு இருந்த நேரத்துல நேசத்தோட ஃபீல் இப்டி தான் இருக்கும்னு ஆசைய காமிச்சிட்டு பறிச்சுகிட்டா நான் என்ன செய்ய.? இரண்டு ரூபாய் அல்ல :

அம்மா உன் பையன சமாதானம் பண்ண ரெண்டு ரூபாயெல்லாம் வேணாம். என்னை அணைச்சுக்கோ, அன்பா பேசு, என் கண்ணீர தொடச்சு எல்லாம் சரியாப் போகும் இல்ல அழாதன்னு எதாவது சொல்லும்மா…. என்கிட்ட பேசு. நீங்க நினைக்கிற மாதிரி நான் மோசமானவன் இல்லப்பா…. தம்பி தங்கசிகட்ட அன்பா இருக்கணும், அவங்க கூட விளையாடணும், அவங்களுக்கு டிரஸ் எடுத்து கொடுக்கணும் நீங்க எல்லாம் உக்காந்து சாப்டும் போது நானும் கூட இருக்கணும்ன்னு ஆசை. இது பேராசையா? இருபது வருஷமா என்னையப் பத்தி புரிஞ்சுக்காத அப்பா அம்மாட்டயே என்னைய ஏன் புடிக்கல நான் என்ன தப்பு பண்ணேன்னு கேக்க துப்பில்ல ஆறு மாசம் பாத்துட்டு லவ் பண்றேன்னு சொன்ன பொண்ணுகிட்ட மட்டும் எப்பிடி என்னைய புடிக்கணும்னு எதிர்ப்பார்க்க முடியும்.நீங்க சொன்னபடியே நான் உருப்படாமலே போறேன், அதுக்கு முன்னாடி ஒரேயொரு தடவ எப்டிடா இருக்க? சாப்டியான்னு என்னைய கேளுங்கப்பா….. இதெல்லாம் உங்களுக்கு புலம்புற மாதிரி இருக்கும்…. நிராகரிக்கப்பட்டவனுக்கு மட்டும் தான் இந்த வலி புரியும்.

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