உறவுகள்புதியவை

கணவர் ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர், அதற்காக என்னை இரவில் கொடுமை செய்வது ஏன்?

தினசரி வாழ்க்கையில் திடீர் திருப்பங்கள் அடிக்கடி கண்டவள் நான். என் வாழ்க்கை சாதாரணமாக நகர்ந்தால் தான் ஆச்சரியம் என கூறலாம். நான் கடந்த வந்த பாதை ஏமாற்றங்கள் நிறைந்தது.

என் திருமணத்தில் எனக்கு விருப்பமோ, வெறுப்போ எதுவும் இல்லை. கல்யாண வயதை கடந்து ஒரு சில ஆண்டுகள் ஆன காரணத்தினால்… 28 வயதில் திருமணம் செய்துக் கொள்ள வேண்டிய கட்டாயம். அப்பா உயிருடன் இல்லை, அம்மாவும் நோய்வாய்ப்பட்டு இருந்தார். ஆகையால்… அம்மாவின் கடைசி ஆசையும், எனது நிம்மதியான வாழ்க்கையும் எனது திருமணத்தோடு முடிந்தது. என் வாழ்க்கையே பெரும் குழப்பமாகிப் போனதால் எப்படி கூறுவது, எதிர்லிருந்து ஆரம்பிப்பது என்று ஒரே குழப்பமாக இருக்கிறது.

ஓகே! எனது கதையை படிக்கும் பலர் நிச்சயம் தரமணி படம் முன்னவே பார்த்திருக்க வாய்ப்புகள் இருக்கும் என்ற நம்பிக்கையில்… இப்படியாக துவங்குகிறேன் நான் கடந்து வந்த பாதையை… பேஸ்புக்கில் எங்களது செய்திகளை உடனுக்குடன் படிக்க க்ளிக் செய்யவும் ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர்! ஆம்! என் கணவர் ஒரு ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர். நான் ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர்களுக்கு எதிரானவள் அல்ல. ஆனால், உனது மானம், உன் குடும்பத்தின் கௌரவம் போன்ற காரணங்களை முன்னிறுத்திக் கொண்டு, சமூகத்திற்காக ஒரு பெண்ணை ஏன் திருமணம் செய்துக் கொள்கிறாய். இதற்கு பேசாமல் நீ தற்கொலை செய்துக் கொண்டிருக்கலாமே.

என்னை ஏன் தினம், தினம் கொல்கிறார் என்பது தான் எனது ஒரே கேள்வி. எனது கேள்வியில் இருக்கும் நியாயத்தை நீங்கள் ஒப்புக் கொள்வீர்கள் என்று நம்புகிறேன். ஆரம்பத்தில் தெரியாது… என் கணவர் ஒரு ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர் என்பத எனக்கு ஆரம்பத்தில் தெரியாது. ஏன், அவரது நெருங்கிய நண்பர்களுக்கு கூட இது தெரியாது. என் கணவரின் நண்பர்கள் எனக்கும் நண்பர்களே. நானும் எனது கணவரும் ஒரே துறையில், ஒரே அலுவலகத்தில் பணிபுரிந்து வந்தோம். ஆகையால், எங்களுக்கு தனித்தனி நண்பர்கள் மிகக் குறைவு. பொதுவான நண்பர்களே அதிகம். அந்த பொதுவான நண்பர்களில் ஒருவர் தான் எனது கணவரின் ஓரினச்சேர்க்கை யாளர் துணை ஆவார். இதுவும் ஒருவகையில் எனக்கு அதிர்ச்சியளித்தது. ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர்கள் தங்கள் துணையை எப்படி வேறு ஒரு பெண்ணுக்கு விட்டுக் கொடுப்பார்கள்? அதே காரணம் தான்…

என் கணவருக்கு எப்படி தனது மானமும், தன் குடும்பத்தின் கௌரவமும் முக்கியமாகப்பட்டு என்னை பலிகடா ஆக்கினாரோ, அப்படி தான் என் கணவரின் ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர் துணையான எனது தோழனும். அவனுக்கும் அதே மானம், ஈரவெங்காயம் போன்றவை எல்லாம் கண்முன்னே நின்றது. (அவனும் என்னை போலவே ஒரு பெண்ணை ஏமாற்றினான் என்பது வேறு கதை. அந்த பெண்ணின் நிலை எப்படி இருக்கிறதோ என்று அடிக்கடி எண்ணி நான் வருந்துவதும் உண்டு. சரி என் கதையை தொடர்வோம்) அன்று… ஒருமுறை அலுவல் காரணமாக மாலை வீடு திரும்ப நேரமாகும். எப்படியும் அதிகாலை தான் வருவேன் என்று என் கணவரிடம் கூறிவிட்டேன். ஆனால், இரவு எட்டு மணி இருக்கும் போது, என்னுடன் பணிப்புரியும் ஒருவர்… நீங்க ஏன் லேட் நைட் வர்க் பண்றீங்க… நான் பாத்துக்கிறேன்… வீட்டுக்கு போயிட்டு.. மார்னிங் சீக்கிரம் வந்து பார்த்துக்குங்க… என்று கூறினார்.

வேலை அவசரத்தில் மொபைல் சார்ஜ் செய்ய தவறியதால் சுவிட்ச் ஆப் ஆகிவிட்டது. ஆகையால், நான் இரவே வீடு திரும்புகிறேன் என்பதை என் கணவருக்கு கால் செய்து கூற முடியவில்லை. இரவு உணவு… அவருக்கு பெரிதாக சமைக்க தெரியாது. இரவு உணவும் நேர தாமதமாக தான் உட்கொள்வார். தினமும் ஒரு படமாவது பார்த்து விட வேண்டும். இல்லையேல் இரவு உணவு அவர் தொண்டைக்குள் இறங்காது இப்படி ஒரு பிரச்சனை வேறு இருந்தது. நானும் இரவு நேரதாமதமாக செல்வதால் ஹோட்டலில் உணவு ஆர்டர் செய்து பார்சல் வாங்கிக் கொண்டு வீட்டுக்கு கிளம்பிக் கொண்டிருந்தேன். என் வாழ்வில் அன்றிரவு இடிவிழ போவதை முன்னரே வர்ண பகவான் அறிந்திருப்பாரோ என்னவோ… கொஞ்சம் கருணை காட்டி மழை பெய்யவைத்து முன்கூட்டியே என்னை தயார் படுத்தியுள்ளார்.

மாற்று சாவி! நான் மாலை கால் செய்த போதே அவர் வீட்டில் தான் இருந்தார். ஆனால், நான் வீட்டுக்கு சென்ற போது வீடு பூட்டி இருந்தது. சரி, எங்காவது வெளியே சென்றிருப்பார் என்று கருதினேன். ஆளுக்கொரு சாவி வைத்திருந்ததால். என்னிடம் இருந்த சாவியை வைத்து வீட்டுக்குள் நுழைந்தேன். நட்டநடு ஹாலில், சோபாவில் இருவரும் நிர்வாண கோலத்தில் உடலுறவில் ஈடுபட்டு வந்தனர். அதிர்ந்தேன்! பிரபஞ்சமே நின்று போய்விட்டது போன்ற உணர்வு. என் உடல் மொத்தமும் ஜடமாகி உறைந்து போனது. என் கண்கள் அதற்கு முன்னர் அப்படி விரிந்ததும் இல்லை, அழுததும் இல்லை. அவன் வீட்டை விட்டு உடனே வெளியேறினான். என் கணவர் படுக்கை அறைக்குள் நுழைந்தவர் வெளியே வரவே இல்லை.

பூட்டை திறந்து வீட்டுக்குள் நுழைந்த நான்.. வாசலில் இருந்து உள்ளே ஒரு அடி கூட எடுத்து வைக்கவில்லை. வெட்கமே இல்லாமல்… ஒருசில மணி நேரம் வாசல் அருகிலேயே அமர்ந்து விம்மி, விம்மி அழுதுக் கொண்டிருந்தேன். மணி 11 கடந்திருக்கும். படுக்கை அறை கதவு திறந்தது. என் அருகே வந்தார்… நான் வாங்கி வந்த உணவை எடுத்து பார்த்தார். டைனிங் டேபிளில் வைத்து சாப்பிட ஆரம்பித்தார். சாப்பிட்டு கொண்டிருக்கும் இடையே அவருக்கு விக்கல் எடுக்கும் போது தான்.. நான் சுய நினைவுக்கே வந்தேன். நான் இங்கே வாழ்க்கையே முடிந்த நிலையில் அழுதுக் கொண்டிருக்க அவனால் எப்படி சாப்பாட்டை விழுங்க முடிகிறது என்ற ஆத்திரம் வந்தது. உடனே எழுந்து சென்று அந்த பார்சல் உணவை தூக்கி எறிந்தேன். வாயில் வந்தபடி கேள்விகளை கொட்டினேன். இது என்ன கன்றாவி உறவு… இதுக்குறித்து ஏன் என்னிடம் கூறவில்லை என்று குமுறினேன். அதே பதில்! நாம் ஆரம்பத்தில் கூறினேன் அல்லவா… தன்மானம், குடும்ப கௌரவம்… அதுதான் பதிலாக வந்தது. சரி! எக்கேடோ கெட்டு போகட்டும்.

இதை இனிமேலாவது நிறுத்திக் கொள். நாம் நமது வாழ்க்கையை வாழலாம் என்று கூறினேன். ஏதோ குழந்தையிடம் சாக்லேட்டை பிடுங்கி வைத்துக் கொண்டதை போல… ஒரு மாதிரியாக பார்த்தான். “ஹ்ம்ம்…” என்ற பதில் மட்டுமே அவனிடம் இருந்து வந்தது. சரி விட்டுவிடுவர் என்று நம்பினேன்! நம்பிக்கை துரோகம்! அவ்வளவு பெரிய கன்றாவியான காட்சியை கண்ட பிறகும், அவரை நம்பி, வாழலாம் என்று வாய்ப்பு கொடுத்த எனக்கு அவர் செய்தது நூறு சதவித துரோகம் மட்டுமே. நான் அறிந்த பிறகும் கூட, என் கணவரும், அவரது ஓரினச்சேர்க்கையாளர் துணையும் அடிக்கடி உறவில் ஈடுபட்டு வந்துள்ளனர். ஒரு கட்டத்தில் யாரிடம் கூறுவது என்று தெரியாமல், எனது நண்பர்களிடம் கூறி யோசனை கேட்டேன். அவர்களுக்கும் இது பேரதிர்ச்சியாக இருந்தது. ஒருநாள் ஒருசில முக்கிய நண்பர்களை அழைத்து இதுக்குறித்து பேச திட்டமிட்டோம்.

நண்பர்களுக்கு தனது உண்மை முகம் தெரிந்துவிட்டது என அறிந்தவுடன் மிருகமாக மாறி போனார் என் கணவர். சண்டை! எதற்காக இதை அவர்களிடம் கூறினாய், எனது மானம் போய்விட்டது. இனிமேல் என்னை யார் மதிப்பார்கள் என்று கத்தினான். எனக்கு வாழ்க்கையே போய்விட்டது. நீயும் என்னையும், என் வாழ்க்கையை பற்றி சிந்திப்பதாக தெரியவில்லை. உனக்கு உன் பார்ட்னர் தான் முக்கியம் என்றால் நான் என்ன செய்வது என்று பதிலுக்கு கத்தி பேசினேன். அதன் பிறகு தினமும் என்னை கொடுமைப்படுத்த துவங்கினார்.

எங்களுக்குள் ஆரம்பத்தில் இருந்தே தாம்பத்திய உறவு பெரிதாக இல்லை. சரி! இவர் அதை பெரிதாக எதிர்பார்ப்பதில்லை என்று கருதினேன். பிறகு இந்த ஓரினச் சேர்க்கை உறவு பற்றி அறிந்த பிறகு தான் அதற்கான காரணம் முழுமையாக அறிய முடிந்தது. போதுமடா சாமி! நல்லவேளை எங்களுக்கு குழந்தை பிறக்கவில்லை என்று கடவுளுக்கு நன்றி கூறிக் கொள்கிறேன். இப்போது எனக்கு 31 வயதாகிறது. மூன்றாண்டு கால இல்லற வாழ்க்கை விவாகரத்தில் முடிய போகிறது.

நடுவே அம்மாவும் தவறிவிட்டார். வாழ்க்கையில் பல திருப்பங்கள்… நான் இப்போது டெல்லியில் பணிபுரிந்து வருகிறேன். நடந்த எல்லா உண்மைகளை கூறியே நிச்சயம் இன்னொரு திருமணம் செய்துக் கொள்வேன். ஆயினும், நான் கண்ட காட்சிகளும்… அனுபவித்த கொடுமைகளும் தினம், தினம் கெட்ட கனவாக காணுமுன்னே வந்து, வந்து போகிறேது. இதுக்குறித்து யாரிடமும் பகிர்ந்துக் கொள்ளவும் முடியவில்லை. மனதில் இருக்கும் பாரமும் குறையவில்லை.

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